Single Parenting is for the Birds

I'm sitting in my upstairs hallway between both boys rooms tonight waiting for them to go to sleep.  Most days I can do this single parenting thing just fine on my own, but tonight, I really wish I had someone to share the insanity with me.  Both boys have been angry most of the afternoon.  They have every right to be anger.  My babies have had so much loss in their lives.  There world has been rocked in the last 8 months.  I, too, have anger as well, but we all need to learn how to best express our anger so we can live together in peace.

On the advice of a pastor at church, we are meditating on James 1:19-21  "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.  Human anger^[ does not produce the righteousness God desires.  So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls."  We've been really focusing on the quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry portions of the verse.  It will work, it will work, it will work...  It has to work.  It is the Word of God and the Word does not come back void.  That is the awesome thing about focusing my life on the Word is that I've seen it work over and over again in situations that I thought were hopeless.  That is when God does His best work.

So, here I sit, praying, comforting, being firm, listening, drying their tears, trying my tears and trying to make sense out of all that has happened in our lives.  It is so unfair in so many ways, but I know that God has a plan for all of this.  He is good, just and righteous and this will all work for His purpose (Romans 8:28).


In the mean time, I need to remember to keep my focus on God and His plan for my life.  I know that right now, I am called to be the best mother I can be.  Somedays, I feel like I fail terribly in that endeavor.  I can get angry, lose my temper and jealous that others have loving spouses to shoulder the burden of raising children.  But, I need to look at what God has blessed me with instead of focusing on the things I don't have.  We went through 10 years of infertility before we brought Joey home.  I am soooo blessed to have him.  When we were going through infertility, I had several other friends I met online who were going through the same thing.  Some of them still have empty arms.  I pray for them often.   I have two amazing boys whom I adore, a wonderful family, amazing friends, a supportive church family, a beautiful home and a job that I enjoy so much if I had enough money, I'd do it for free.  Most importantly, I have a Savior and God that loves me to the core of my being and has been closer than a friend.  I could have nothing but Christ and that's all I need.  He has supplied me with abundant blessings.  Praise God for His faithfulness and His work in my life.

When I murmur and complain, I need to be reminded to look at how God has blessed me.  So, if you see me in real life or online and I'm complaining, please rebuke me and set me straight.  Help me to get the focus off of me and everything I don't have and to focus on God, others and all that I've been blessed with.  I'm serious about this.

God Bless!