Why I won't date.

First of all, I want to make something very, very clear.  The Bible talks about some people having the gift of singleness.  Those people are have the gift to remain single all of the days of their lives and to be relatively content in serving the Lord in that fashion.  That is NOT me!  I am already praying to meet someone with whom I can share my life.  I am NOT content being single and feel the Lord has someone in mind for me.  I may or may not know who they are right now, but when the time is right, all will be revealed.  I do feel that I am not going to be alone for the rest of my life.

However, I'm not interested in the traditional sense of the word "dating" to find that person.  I've thought and prayed a lot about this.  I think Disney has really skewed our views on how to find the right person.  You are going about your daily life and you bump into "the one"  and fireworks go off and you just know you can't go another second without that person.  While I do believe some people experience this sensation we know as love at first sight, I don't believe it's typical.  While you may feel some sort of immediate attraction to someone and you might thing "hey, I wonder...", generally when you truly fall in love with someone, it's because you are attracted to each other and then you realize you have common goals, interests and beliefs and they complete you.

I don't believe that traditional "dating" is the best way to go about this.  First of all, as a single woman with kids, there are a lot of, shall we say, "interesting" characters out there.  I need to watch out for my kids best interest first.  I do not want to expose them to these unsavory types.  Their safety (and mine) must be my first priority.  Second, I want to model for my kids appropriate behavior when it comes to attraction and getting to know the opposite sex.  I don't want to teach them that it's okay to move from one person to the next, to the next.  Kids learn what they see.  It is completely inappropriate for kids to watch their single parents date and be promiscuous.  (Heck, it's more than completely inappropriate for them to see their parents do this when still legally married... just sayin'  ;)  )  My kids know that I long for companionship and they are trying to set me up with just about every male they meet whether he is 7 or 70, married or single.  Since they are so confused on this issue, I must be firm in my moral beliefs and modeling on this.  I don't want them to reach the age of 16+, want to be intimate or live with their girlfriend and come back to me and say something like, "Mom, why can't I?  You did."   Kids learn what they see and they behave the way they know.  My top priority is setting an example for them and doing this the way God wants me to.

So, how do I meet this person?  I don't have a clue...  I'm leaving that detail up to God.  Just like he brought the perfect kids to me in His timing, He will bring the man who is perfect for me and I am perfect for him to me in His timing as well.  He has proven Himself faithful before and I know He will do this for me again.

What must I do in the mean time...  First and foremost, I am praying for my future husband. I have been for a few months now.  It took me that long to heal from my divorce and to feel the Lord telling me that yes, someday, there will be someone in my life again.

The second thing I need to do is to have clear in my mind what I am looking for in a potential partner, so when he does come in my life, it is very clear that he might be the "one".

Here is my list so far:

1.  He must be a committed Christian, walking with the Lord, with a prayer life and strong relationship with God.

2.  He must be willing to love me enough to die for me.  (Not asking for much, am I?)  The Bible says in Ephesians 5 that the husband needs to love his wife as Christ loved the church.  Christ died for the church physically.  This type of love needs to be a daily sacrificial love, where he is willing to look at the needs of the wife and be willing to demonstrate his love for me.  In return, I will promise to show him the respect he needs as the husband.

3.  He needs to love my kids and be willing to understand that the boys and I are a package deal.  Even though he's not the kids' dad, he needs to have good "dad" qualities.  If we are going to live together as a family with the kids, this is a must.  This is what they deserve.



So, if you would all join me in praying that this man would appear in my life very soon  in God's timing, I would appreciate the prayers.