For a single mom, Wal-Mart is one of the blessings or curses there is in my life. The blessing is that I usually can get anything I need fairly cheap in one stop. The curse-- It is way too overstimulating for my boys and there is far too much distraction for them. A shopping trip that should take a half hour to forty-five minutes often takes twice that.
Here was our trip yesterday:
Shopping list
Rosemary and Olive oil Triscuits (Mom's weakness)
Eggs
New oven mitt
Skewers for our new firepit
Hot dogs and buns for the cookout last night
Marshmallows also for the cookout
9 patio stones to place under our new firepit
So here's how it went down. We walked through the door and it was about 11:30. We had eaten breakfast at 7:00 a.m., so we were all hungry and I hadn't had my coffee. The in-store Dunkin Donuts kiosk was calling our name. I bought myself a large Hazelnut with skim milk and splenda and let the kids splurge and each get a donut and a hot chocolate. Joey wanted a chocolate frosted donut and we had to ask for them to put the sprinkles on. Danny wanted a strawberry frosted donut, also with sprinkles (a new choice for him). Out of habit, I ordered 2 chocolate covered donuts with sprinkles. Danny had a mini-meltdown. In all fairness, he was hungry and I was the one who messed up and ordered the wrong thing, so I had the boys sit at a table while I waited in line again to place the correct order for Danny. When I returned to the table, Joey was crying tears of pain. I asked what was wrong and he had burnt his throat on his hot chocolate. So back in line I went to ask for a piece of ice for his hot chocolate. By this time, they were done and I hadn't even started my coffee so I had a large cup of coffee with me (remember this for later details) and I decided to bring this with me as we started to shop.
First stop, the bakery... Kids had to get a cookie. Both of my boys, especially Danny are creatures of habit. I guess it's a tradition and he would have bugged begged me for a cookie for the entire trip, so I caved and let them ask for a cookie from the deli. It really is good practice of polite manners. If they want a cookie, I make them ask with "May I please..." Next stop, produce even though it's not on my list. I noticed that corn was in and I thought it might go nicely with our cookout tonight. I got some corn and tried to shuck it with 3 other moms and kids hovering around the waste basket. At this point, my kids decided that the silk on the floor would look really funny in each other's hair. Inspired by the movie Tangled, they kept putting the silk in their hair and saying they were Rapunzel. The other moms weren't impressed. Personally, I thought they were being fairly creative. So, I stopped shucking. I could shuck at home.
Next stop. We saw a friend that Joey wants to play with. His mom and I exchanged numbers while our kid waited. We were beside the meat at this point and Danny decides that the rings of hamburger covered with plastic are just too tempting and pokes his fingers into it while I was distracted. I guess we're having hamburgers tonight at our cookout instead of hot dogs.
We walked around for about 15 minutes looking for the marshmallows. I asked 3 different workers, none of whom had a clue where the marshmallows were. One actually said "It's down that way" and pointed me toward the soda/juice and wine. Now I KNOW there are no marshmallows over there. At some point, unbeknownst to me, on our search for marshmallows, my coffee gets spilled and has slowly dripped out all over the floor. I look down and like Hansel and Gretel, we have left a trail. I find yet another worker and apologize for the mess and explain that we had been sent on a wild goose chase for marshmallows, hence the the trail of coffee and they may want to educate their workers that they were on the bottom shelf underneath the selection of cooking supplies.
At this point, I look down in the cart and cannot find my wallet. I KNOW I left it in the front basket. Panic starts to ensue when a very nice, older woman, who follows our coffee trail comes over to me with my wallet and says, "I think this is yours. Your youngest son put it down in the butter section." She then smiles and adds, "I followed your trail to find you." Good thing she has a sense of humor. I suspect she also raised active boys.
We go by the eggs and I decide to pass. We can go one more day until I really need them and with all that's happened so far, I decide not to risk it. A trail of hazelnut coffee is bad enough. Can you imagine what a trail of egg whites would look like?
Next we proceed to the lawn and garden area. In order to get there, however, we must pass the video game section and the toys. I warn the boys ahead of time that we are NOT stopping for any reason at all. Of course, right in front of the video games, we see an old friend. I have not spoken with her in years, so we stop to have a conversation. That's it... The boys are gone. It was a nice distraction for them so I could catch up with my friend, but when it's time to pull them away and continue on our trip, I have to add about 5 more minutes of "Come on boys" "Time to go" and "If you don't come, I'll..." Finally, they pull themselves away and head back to the cart. We have a brief argument about who's turn it is to stand on the end and who stands on the front of the cart and leans against me while I push. Once decided, we continue on our way.
The boys are attached to the cart so just as fast as I can, I push the cart past the toys ignoring all requests to stop and look at the toys. I tell the boys to hold on tight and I weave through the other parents trying to avoid the toy aisle as well. We pass the parents that have either caved or are shopping for birthday gifts, teary eyed kids who are being told they cannot have this or that and joyous children that have gotten their prize, a new truck or doll.
Into the garden section we go. I promise the boys this is the last stop. I spoke too soon. I quickly find the skewers, but not the patio stone. After much inquiry, I am told that I need to tell the woman at the checkout which stone I want and then go through "drive thru" to get it. My kids are excited that Wal-Mart has a drive thru like MacDonald's. They excitedly ask if they can order a happy meal and I laugh with the cashier. We finish checking out and proceed to the car. At this point, the parking lot is mobbed and a woman spots that I am loading my car and if she could get my spot, she would be as close to the front of the parking lot as she could get. So, now we must hurry which is nearly impossible with a 4 and 7 year old. She pulls her car to the side and puts her blinker on pulls to the side. I implore the boys to get into their car seats, but, of course, they are fooling around, teasing each other. I get the cart unloaded and put my cart away. When I get back in my car, Danny is still trying to buckle. Buckling is a new task for him. Of course, he's fumbling with it. I offer to help, but he shouts, "I can do it mysewf!!" Lady in the waiting car is getting impatient. I again offer to help, but Mr. Independence is sooo close he can taste it. "Almost got it", he proclaims. 2 minutes later (which seems like an eternity) I finally hear the click.
I throw my car in reverse and start to back out and a man yells at me to watch out. Truth is, I did see him and the 5 foot fake Fica Tree that he was carrying, but he was not even near my car when I started to back out. He literally picked up his walking pace just so he'd be behind me and then could complain. I stop the car sensing he might fake me hitting him and then sue. The lady behind me then beeps the horn and the guy yells at me again, "Where did you get your license?" I'M NOT THE ONE WHO TOOTED THE HORN!!!!
Finally, I pull out of my space and pull through the garden drive through to get my patio tiles. The kids are disappointed that there are no happy meals here. I get my tiles and off I go. Phew!!! What a trip.
We get home and I realize. I forgot my triscuits. Oh well, I'll pick them up on my next adventure.
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