Why???

Everyday I get a little bit stronger.  I am able to see that my life is what I make of it.  I'll be honest that I spent much of the last year wallowing in self-pity and asking my God the question "WHY?"

Why did mom have cancer?


Why did dad die when I needed him most?


Why did I lose both of my parents in a short period of time?


Why was my marriage destroyed?


Why am I still by myself when I want desperately to find a companion and possibly more?


Why is single parenting so challenging?


Why can't my kids both sleep all night on the same night?


Why do I feel like I have to go through this life by myself?


Why, why, why?


Do you see a common thread through all of those questions?  When I discovered what I was doing, I was floored.  I am focusing on ME and my wants, not my needs.

So I changed my thinking around a little and here is what I came up with.

Thank you Lord for my parents and for the amount of time I had with them.  You had them in my life to help make me into the person that I am today.  Even though I would have loved to have had more time, I thank you for the time I had with them and thank you for the hope of seeing them again in heaven.

Thank you Lord for the marriage that I had.  Thank you that my ex husband and I are at a place where we can communicate and get along for the sake of our kids.  Thank you that some healing has been brought to us.  I pray that you bring the person that is right for me into my life in your timing and NOT mine.  Thank you that you have kept people out of my life that were not who You meant to be that special person.  It's hard, but I trust in You to provide in Your time.

Thank you Lord for my kids.  We waited a LONG time for them to come home to us.  Please give me the patience, wisdom and grace I need to be the best mom I can be.  Thank you that they love me enough to seek me out in the middle of the night when they're hurt or scared.  Thank you that they still want me to hold their hands, pick them up, hug them, kiss them and be with them.

Thank you Lord for your son Jesus.  Who came to earth to show us that we are not alone.  Thank you for His strength that He demonstrated on the cross.  Thank you that He set the example for all of us to follow and even He asked the question "Why" when He said, "My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken me?"   If He asked "Why?" then I know that I can too, but help me to quickly remember that all that is happening to me is in Your plan if I continue to trust in you.

So now I know the answer to "Why?"  It is because He is in control and He is working all things together for His good purpose.  I simply need to trust that He knows the answer to the question "Why".