My Resolutions for 2011

The boys went on a playdate today and I had from 11 a.m. until 5:30 p.m. all to myself.  What a blessing.  I did a lot of thinking during that time and surprisingly, I missed my kids like crazy!!!  I was so happy to see them come through the door.  I haven't had much time to myself in the past 10 months and today, the day before New Year's Eve got me thinking.

I did what a lot of people do...

I thought about my new year's resolutions.  However, mine turned out to be a little different than most.

I know that I can only accomplish a few goals, so here they are.

1.  Be content in the present.  While it is hard not to look ahead to the future, I resolve to make the most of every second of every day.  I will not look to the hurts of the past, nor will I count on future blessings.  We don't know what tomorrow will bring, so I will do my best to try to be content with my here and now.  Doing what God has called me to do here, but yet still praying every morning when I wake up that I will be attuned to His divine plan for my life.

2.  Be aware of the needs of others.  One thing I have learned this year through my situation is that others are going through situations of which we are not aware.  If I did not tell you of my trials, I can guarantee that you did not know that my husband was unfaithful to me, my father died 10 days after my husband and I separated, I was hospitalized 15 days after that for a weird stomach virus, I had to put my 15 year old cat to sleep, I took 2 grad classes at the same time while single parenting, working full time and running my own business, my grandmother passed away and both of my kids are undergoing for testing for special needs.   I KNOW I'm not alone in my trials.  While I have certainly had my fair share this year, I will not compare my pain to that of others.  I will try to be compassionate and understand that EVERYONE goes through pain and trials.  God wants us to LOVE one another and that means that we help one another through any trial whether we perceive it to be big or small.

3.  Leave God's plan for my life up to God.    I know that this one seems obvious, but I have in my mind the way I think my life should go.  It definitely isn't the way that it's currently going, so I resolve to accept that God DOES have a plan for me and it is for HIS good purpose because I love him and He loves me.  God will work out my trials the way He wants them to be worked out and since I know He loves me, He will bless me the way He wants to bless me.


So, my blog friends.  I'm praying that you are blessed in 2011.  May God work all things for good in your life.

(((((Hugs))))
~Judi

Brother Love

After the blizzard we had yesterday, things have finally settled down a little here at home.  I got the Christmas decorations all put away and Danny and I got outside today to do a little shoveling and playing.  Joey had no interest in going outside.  He gets too cold too easily and HATES being outside.  Ocassionally I can talk him into sledding, but he's an indoor kind of guy in the summer or winter.

I realized today that Joey is really turning into a young man, not just a boy.  He made some very mature decisions and choices today with how he treats me and how he treats his brother.  This evening, he poked his brother in the eye.  They both agree that it was an accident.  Joey was reaching over to give Danny a pat on the head.  I've seen him do this affectionately many, many times.  Just as he did this, Danny turned his head and got poked in the eye.  Danny came running to me and as I was comforting him, without my asking, Joey went out to the kitchen and grabbed and ice pack out of the freezer, wrapped it in a cloth and brought it to his brother.  He tenderly put it on his sore eye and gave him a kiss on the forehead.  As much as my boys argued today, it was good to see this tenderness and care between the two of them.  I asked what happened and Joey told me the story as Danny was crying too hard.  Joey said, "I'm sorry Danny.  It was an accident"  Danny then sobbed back, "That's okay bwover. I fowgive you."  Joey then rubbed Danny's back and within minutes they were back playing.

Tonight at bedtime, they both decided to sleep together under a "fort" they made out of blankets and a mattress in their room with friends of ours.  I went up a little while ago and they both thought the fort was not comfortable enough, so they ended up in their own beds.  I can't help but adore how much my boys love each other.  Even though they fight (and boy to we have some doozies), when it really counts, they care deeply about one another.

I've had people inquiring about our adoption story ask if my boys are "real" brothers.  I don't mean to be coy when I say this, but of course they are.  What makes someone your brother?  Is it simply that they are born of the same mother or is it more than that?  Is it that they live in the same family, have the same parents and they will share their lives together?  My boys, are truly, truly real brothers just as they are my real sons.  We may not share biology, but we share something deeper; a bond that we are a family and we will always be through thick and thin.  We will love each other, comfort each other and think of the others in our family before we think of our own selfish needs and when one hurts, we all hurt.   When one rejoices, we all rejoice.  We are a family and I am so grateful that God brought my "real" sons into my life.

ALONE

There are BLIZZARD warnings in effect tonight for the state in which I live.  BLIZZARD!!!  It's a little exciting, but a tad bit scary at the same time, being a single parent.  What if the power goes out or there's an emergency with one of the kids??  And... who's going to plow/shovel my driveway.  I can handle it with 6 inches of snow, but over a foot of snow is a little intimidating even though I am so buff.


As a married person, I didn't think much about things like this, but as a single mom, I'm a tad worried.  I don't know why.  I've lived in Maine my entire life and have always survived blizzards, but tonight a word keeps coming back to my mind.


ALONE... There, I've said it.  It's a word that I've feared for a long time.


ALONE...  I'll admit, it's my biggest fear.  Being all by myself and having to make decisions and choices by myself.  Especially choices that can effect my kids.  I'm the type of person that likes to reason with other people, talk things out, get opinions.  I process my thoughts out loud.


ALONE...  Being an only child, I have always been fearful of this status.  When I was growing up, I realized that if anything were to happen to both of my parents, I had no siblings on whom I could rely.  When I got married, I felt relief as I would have a life partner on which I could rely.  But, now that I'm no longer married, I am by myself.


In the past year, I've lost so much and I feel very much alone even though I have wonderful family and friends.  It's still not the same as having a spouse or having a parent.  The people that know you best and that will drop anything to help you.  I have wonderful family and friends that would drop anything to be there for me, but there's something in me that makes me feel like it's a burden to have to ask for help.  This is definitely not how they feel, for some reason, it's how I feel.  I must learn to drop my foolish pride and ask when I need help.


ALONE...  Am I really alone??  No... I'm not.  God is with me, holding me, drying my tears, comforting me, sending me His people to be the physical, tangible evidence of His presence and giving me comfort through His Word, the Bible.


I AM NOT ALONE.

It says in Deuteronomy 31:6  "Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you He will not fail you or forsake you."


The holidays have been extremely difficult for me.  I do not want to be alone, but isn't that what Christmas is all about.


Christ came to the earth as a baby.  The God of the Universe put Himself into a human body to show us that we are not alone.  He came to be with us and the Bible says that He's coming back again.


I AM NOT ALONE.


God is with me.  He loves me and He loves you too.  If you are struggling during this holiday season, please contact me by email or phone.  I'll pray for you.  


YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  God is with you and He wants you to know that.

Anticipation

Oh Twas the night before the night before Christmas and the children were going NUTS!!!

My kids are so excited for Christmas that they can hardly stand it.  Emotions are running high.  They are getting excited over details that seem small to me and having meltdowns over the most minuscule things.  They are anticipating the most exciting day of the year other than maybe their birthday on Saturday.  There are secrets to be kept and secrets to be found out.

Their excitement, while it can be exhausting, also has me so excited and so in the Christmas Spirit this year.  Even though my life has gone through sooooo many changes over the past 365 days, I know that God's hand has been in charge and steering my life.  I read a commentary the other day.  Although I can't tell you the exact source, but it spoke of how God often destroys in order to rebuild.  That is exactly what's going on in my world.  It was destroyed, but slowly is being rebuilt.  Whenever the Lord does this, He blesses the process and ultimately will give me more than I can even imagine.  Look at Job's life.  He took EVERYTHING from him, but ultimately restored his life to something better than it had been before.  While I'm sure Job still missed the loved ones that he lost, God still was able to fulfill him and bless him beyond his wildest dreams.

So as I look at my children's excitement as we prepare to celebrate the birth of Jesus, I also am trying to have that same type of anticipation and excitement in my life.  I know I'm emotional.  Lately, things that should not have been a "big deal" have taken an emotional toll on me, but at the same time, I am finding an renewed energy and excitement in the little things the Lord blesses me with.  Watching my kids, praying over them as they sleep and yes preparing and praying for the fact that someday, God willing, he will provide a godly man with which I can share my life.  God is good ALL the time.  Even during our hardships we must praise Him and we must not forget to praise Him during the good times as well.

As we approach Christmas, take note of the excitement and anticipation of the season and try to make a point to remember it year round.  Live your life with the same anticipation as to what the Lord will do with your life in the good times and bad.

Merry Christmas!!!