So, take this advice with a HUGE grain of salt, but I would love to pass it along to others. Are you ready for my ground-shaking, world changing advice? You're not going to believe this... Here it is...
Keep no secrets from your spouse...
Yup, that's it... Most people might think that it should be something like "Love each other unconditionally." Yes, I think that is of the utmost of importance as well and "Kiss each other every day." Yes, that's up there as well, but what really separated our marriage was the issue of secrets. Now I'm not talking about the secrets you keep at Christmas or birthdays or even the shh... we're having a surprise party secret. What I'm talking about is the secret that separates. Eventually those happy secrets will bring you together.
Adultery is a secret. When it comes to light, it will separate a couple. If you've fallen into that, tell your spouse. He or she will most likely be very, very mad. They may even ask you to leave your house and tell you your marriage is over. Until those divorce papers are final, it's not over. Get help, get counsel and hang in there, but get out of the adulterous relationship and try to get your life back in order. No matter how miserable you are in your marriage, persevere and work through your problems. Divorce is worse than death in many ways.
Lack of passion or attraction to the other person, when held as a secret will tear a marriage apart. When you first identify that you know you don't feel the way you should, TALK about it or get counsel.
If you lose your job because you mouthed off to your boss, don't cover it up. Be honest, tell your spouse. Humbly apologize, work through the problem together.
If you are drinking, gambling, involved in pornography or even involved in drugs, tell your spouse and GET HELP!! They are your partner and if you humble yourself and ask for help, they most likely will help you. At least, they will respect your honesty.
Whatever your secret is, let it out. You most likely will be found out anyway. Secrets have a tendency to surface when you least want them to. Be proactive and deal with your problem honestly before you have no choices left.
Love needs to be transparent. In order to truly love and be loved, there can be no walls or barriers, so love one another in honesty and truth.
Judi, this is the Number One marriage advice I give to engaged couples. Have an honest and open marriage. Communicate. Tell each other your struggles and weaknesses. Right down to who you feel attracted to!!! Deception and Fear are Satan's greatest weapons in marriage. We hide things from our spouse because we are afraid of their reaction. We need to accept each other, we need to bear each others burdens. When we do this, we break the power of the enemy. There have been 2 or 3 times in our marriage when one of us was attracted to another person. Immediately we told each other. And *Immediately* the 'spell' was broken and we were able to get our thoughts and feelings back on track. There's something in our culture that tells us we can not be open and honest with our spouse, because they'll just react and get more angry. It's better to keep these things from each other. That is so bogus!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for Sharing your thoughts. 'Keep no secrets from your spouse' is the best and most important piece of advice for *every* marriage.