What's a year??

This weekend, I celebrated my 41st birthday.  Here's what happened in my life between September 18, 2009 and September 18, 2010.

1.  My father was diagnosed with a malfunctioning aortic valve and had open heart surgery in Boston which the valve was replaced and triple by-pass was performed.  He was in the hospital at least 8 weeks.
2.  I had major stomach surgery.
3.  I lost 107 lbs
4.  My husband and I separated.
5.  My father passed a way.
6.  I was hospitalized for some weird intestinal virus.
7.  Danny was diagnosed with a sleep disorder

Not to mention that I'm teaching a JFDS full time, teaching a course at Husson and am a full time single mom.

Whew!!  No wonder I'm a little tired.  Making a list sort of puts it all into perspective.

Praying that this next year is a little less eventful.

11:38 a.m.

I have had so much happen over the last year.  I can't even remember where I was or what I was doing on my birthday last year.  One thing I do know is that 11:38 a.m., my dad wished me a happy birthday.  This was a little secret between the two of us that no one else knew.  Every year at 11:38, the exact time I was born, I would receive a birthday wish from my dad.  Some years, like last year, it was simply a note saying "Happy Birthday!"  Usually he'd tell me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me.  I think he may have been in the hospital because it was a slip of paper last year in an envelope that said, "Open at 11:38 a.m. on Sept. 18."   Some years he did something zany (well zany for my dad) and he'd surprise me with balloons in my college music theory class.  Some years we just met for lunch.  Some years I'd get a phone call.  Some years, I'd get an email.

I don't think my mom even knew he did this.  This was our special secret.  For the first time in 41 years, I will not have my daddy wishing me happy birthday at 11:38 a.m.

So at 11:38 a.m. I will be thinking of him and thanking him for giving me the best birthday gift a girl could have...  A dad that made her feel like his little princess.

Hot Shower -- Fully Clothed

I really didn't know what to title this entry, but I had to share with you all what happened tonight because it was one of those true parenting moments that you and your children will never forget.  Let me just preface this by saying my children are amazing, but lately life has been really, really tough for them and they are in a lot of pain, especially Joey.  Danny is pretty laid back and takes things in stride and he is also pretty young.  Joey is my sensitive, emotional child.  Everything with him is drama.  He gets angry, sad, mad, passionate and frustrated very easily, but he also is needs an abundance of love and affection to feel secure.  He is the child that screams out "You hate me!" one minute and "I love you so much Mama" the next.  He truly wears his heart on his sleeve.  These traits will serve him well in the future, but right now it is just exhausting dealing with constant drama.  I have a feeling he would be dramatic even if he had a "normal" life, but for the last year, his life has been nothing but drama.  As much as I try to shield it from him, the reality is that his mom and dad are getting divorced and two of his grandparents that he loved dearly are no longer here with him.  That's a lot to bear at a very young age.

I have a tendency to lose my patience with him.  I am working very, very hard not to raise my voice or let my own frustrations and emotions come into the picture when I'm working with him on his attitude or behavior.  When you're a single parent, you can't just go out and take a walk when you're frustrated, although I have locked myself in the bathroom or hid in the basement a time or two.  Tonight, Joey had another angry spell where he gets mad and just spews venom.  I try to address this behavior the best I can, but it can be maddening as he knows how to push my every button.  Joey was in the shower and he needed help with his hair.  I know he's six, but it works best if I condition his hair.  I have a pretty heavy duty conditioner I use as his hair can get dry, but if it gets in his eyes, it hurts.  As I was trying to help him wash his hair, he kept moving away from me.  I tried to get closer to him but he moved away.  I noticed my shirt started to get wet and I said, "Joey, move back over here so I don't get wet."  He then said to me "That's what happens when you are mean to me." Now at this point, I don't have a clue what I've done to be mean to him except he wasn't happy he had to come home from a friends house at dinner time.  I knew he was just trying to push my buttons and I wasn't going to give in, so I said "NO, this is what happens when I love you."  At that point, I stepped into the shower fully clothed and hugged him.  He was shocked.  He said "Mama, your clothes are on," and I said "yes they are because you're upset, you need a hug and I love you, so I got in the shower."  He laughed and said, "you must REALLY love me."  I said, "yes I do!"  We then giggled and laughed at how silly I looked.  He started spraying me with the shower hose and we were cracking up.

At that point, Danny came up over the stairs and into the bathroom and said, "Hey guys, whatchya doin?"  We told him we were taking a shower and asked if he wanted to get in.  He did, but not before I made him take off his shoes.  Joey then asked if he could go get some clothes on, silly boy.  So I told him he could put the clothes on that he wore today.  When we were done, they asked if they could take their showers in their clothes every night.  We'll have to see about that.

I learned a valuable lesson today.  Sometimes people just need you to give them what they need no matter what it costs you either in convenience or materialistically.  I got soaked and had to go change into dry clothes.  It cost me about 10 extra minutes of my evening by the time I took the shower and had to go get dry clothes on and put my wet clothes in the wash, but what my boys, especially Joey gained from the experience was invaluable.  Joey found out one more time that I love him and am willing to do crazy things for him to prove my love.  I think he's more valuable than my physical comfort.  I know him well enough to know when he needs a hug and last, his mom is fun and has a sense of humor.

The rest of the night went smoothly.  No major dramas and both boys went right to sleep.  I know that I was a little silly tonight, but I know someday Joey will tell his kids about when he was 6 and his mom got in the shower fully dressed with him.  He'll tell them that I was a little crazy, but I loved him so much I was willing to take a hot shower fully clothed just so he could have a hug on a hard day.  That's how much his mom loved him and someday hopefully he'll remember to show his kids that same type of love.

Ahoy there Mateys!!

In attempting to create new adventures for my boys, we spent Saturday morning surviving a tropical storm and then we became pirates.  We woke up on Saturday morning and it was POURING out.  Tropical Storm Earl was making it's way through our fair state.  We haven't had much rain over the last few weeks, so the soaking rain that we received was a blessing.  I stayed in bed, well, as in bed as a single mom can.  I still had to get up to use the restroom, make breakfast for my boys, assist them with getting set up to entertain themselves so I could work and then settle periodic disputes, but I still mostly stayed in bed and got a lot of work done for my classes.

Around noon it started to clear and we decided to head down to Camden to the 2010 Windjammer Festival.    Unfortunately, they had to postpone the festival because of the tropical storm, but we were still able to walk around Camden and to tour the Schooners.  They loved climbing aboard the ships and pretending they were pirates.  I think only certain vessels were for touring, but if there were people aboard the ship, my boys asked if they could get on board.  Most people were very nice.  There was one family that was having a party and Danny went right up to them and said, "Hey guys, how do you steer this boat."  The owner brought him right on board and showed him where the wheel was.  Danny then asked if we could go for a ride and they told us to come back on Sunday and they would take us out.  Unfortunately, we already had plans for Sunday, but their kindness was overwhelming.  It's nice to know that there are still wonderful people out there.

We then roamed around Camden village.   There were pirates and patriots patrolling the streets.  The boys were fascinated by their swords and guns (they're boys).   After our long day, we headed home.  The car ride home was most challenging as the boys were tired and were arguing.  I never had a sibling growing up, so I didn't get to experience the joys of riding in a car while you fought with your brother or sister.  I can't say that car rides are my most favorite part of parenting.  As a matter of fact, I need to learn new strategies of discipline in the car.  By the time they were having a water fight in the back seat, I had just about lost my patience.  I pulled the car over, got grumpy,  moved Joey to the very back of the van and then we continued on our way.

My boys have been together and with me pretty much 24/7 all summer long.  It is much better for our relationship when we are in school/work as we have a little apart time.  As much as we all love each other, it can be very, very tiring to be together so much.  I think that it's good to remind the boys frequently that the purpose of being a family is to lift one another up, not drag each other down.  When that type of thing happens, one of the solutions is to spend some time apart evaluating ourselves.  What can we do to put ourselves back in a better place so we can help each other.  Alone time is not a bad thing, but we are not to isolate ourselves, either.

On Sunday, I made them each choose an activity and spend some time alone.  Joey rode his bike and Danny played trucks in his bedroom.  As I'm typing this, they are in the living room nicely playing together.  Sometimes my schemes do work.  I'm praying that we have a good day today.  I'm thinking we might go on another adventure.  I'm excited for what today holds for us.  Praising God for His work in my life and in the lives of my boys.