Remembering Mom and Dad

Yesterday and today are two of the toughest days of the year for me. Yesterday marks the third anniversary of the day my mom went to be with Jesus and today would have been my dad's 66th birthday. It seems unfair that both of these landmark days occur so close together. I remember the year mom died, it almost seemed cruel to have my dad's birthday the very next day. Now, it's challenging to me emotionally to have both days so close. I decided this year that I was not going to dwell on either day, but remember them both and try to find some happiness in these memories. I'd like to share some of the memories that came to my mind today with you.

Mom -- She was the best mother in the world. She taught me so much. One of the things I learned from her was to always be positive. My mom was one of the most genuine, kind hearted people in the world. She truly loved other people and wanted to help anyone who needed help. She was a phenomenal mother. She was kind, considerate and caring. She was the person in the world that loved me most and always showed that to me.

Dad -- My dad was a real people person as well. Sometimes I think he should have been a teacher or counselor because he had a real way with people. He taught me so many things about how I should live my life and how to get along with others. He was very skilled at helping people resolve conflict. He also was very logical and reasonable and could see solutions to problems that others could not see. He was my biggest support and cheerleader in my life! He encouraged me to set my goals high and then to strive to reach them.

Our memories as a family -- There are so many of them, so I'm just going to share a few of my favorites.

Travel -- My parents loved to travel and often took me with them. We travelled to San Antonio, Chicago, Boston, Washington D.C., Florida, Atlanta, Bermuda, Cancuun and several other destinations. Sometimes these were business and sometimes it was for vacation, but we always had an amazing time!

Camp -- We spent a lot of time on Sebec Lake at our family camp together. I'm so grateful that this is a strong part of my childhood and I hope it can be for my boys as well.

Being together -- My parents both highly valued family time. We spend our weekends doing activities as a family. When I was a young teenager, we went on bike trips just about every weekend to many different destinations. My parents also went to all of my school events whether it was a concert or a science fair, they were there. They always made me feel that I was a top priority in their lives. That support was invaluable to me as it gave me the confidence to set goals that were high and then to work to achieve them later in life.



Most importantly, my parents always showed me that I was loved. I hope that one day, my kids will look back on me and know that they were loved. I know my parents showed me how deep and strong love can be and I just pray that I can pass that on to my children.

I miss you and love you Mom and Dad!!

Fairs and Flat Bellies

I took the boys to the fair today with my friend Jen, her two kids Katie and Jacob and our friends Tracy and Jason and their family. I have really been looking forward to the fair. Having lost 100 lbs, I was excited to be able to ride on all of the rides and do all of the things I haven't been able to do for a long time. My friend Jen's four year old son asked her an interesting question when we first got there. He said, "Mama, how did Danny and Joey's mom..., how did she Joey and Danny's mom get such a small belly?" I tell you that I could have kissed him right then and there! Little Jacob made my night!!

So, I really wanted to enjoy the fair to the fullest. In the past, it seemed that any time I had to buckled into a seat, I barely fit and sometimes they couldn't get the safety bar down enough to keep my kids safe. So, this year, I indulged. I went on all the rides I could. Some were scary and some made me feel nauseous, but I didn't care. I had a blast with my kids. Anything they wanted me to ride on with them, I did. The only drawback was that Danny was too short for some of the rides that all of the other kids could go on. Hopefully he will gain about 3 or four inches by next year and will be able to enjoy all of the rides as well.

Here are some pictures and a video of my kids enjoying the fair.

Mama, will you marry me?

Joey can drive me crazy one minute and then melt my heart the next. I had a really, really rough afternoon with Joey. He was tired, cranky and I'm sure his eye was still bothering him slightly. He had a rough day at summer camp with some of his friends. Of course, I had to push my luck and try to go grocery shopping tonight. On the way out of the store Joey just lost it. He was crying and grumpy and I admit that I lost my patience. I told him that he needed to change his attitude or he was going to have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when he got home and then go straight to bed. He was in tears and I was nearly in tears by the time we pulled into the driveway.

Then, something amazing happened. He looked at me and said, "I'm sorry, Mama, you're right. I was really grumpy with you". I almost backed right into our garage door. He recognized he was wrong and then admitted it. I told him that I accepted his apology and I was sorry that I lost my cool with him too. I needed for him to listen to me and to do what I asked the first time I asked, but I apologized for being so frustrated with him. I then asked him if we could pray together which is really what we should have done in the first place. We prayed and he volunteered to help me carry the groceries in. He came in and vegged out on the couch and watched TV while I put the groceries away. After dinner we sat together on the couch for a while and he reached over and held my hand and said, "Mama, I love you. You're the best girl in the whole world." My heart melted. I told him that I loved him too and I loved when he used sweet words with me. I also loved how he had been so good to his brother since we got home.

Later, we went upstairs and I put him to bed and he asked if I could lie down and cuddle with him. I do this with both of my boys on alternating nights. It really was Danny's night, but he was almost asleep anyway so I laid down beside Joey. He kissed my eyes and my cheeks and then he said to me, "Mama, will you marry me when I grow up?" He's asked me this question before and he knows that Mamas can't marry their sons, but I said to him "I would love to marry you someday, but I'm sure there is a wonderful girl out there that's going to steal your heart." He said, "Mama, you already have my heart. I'm not going to give it to anyone else." At this point I had tears in my eyes and I said, "Joey, you have my heart, too."

I must remind myself of that fact each day. He not only has my heart, but I have his heart as well. When you are given someone's heart to guard, that's a huge responsibility. Hearts break so easily. As a parent, I need to take every precaution necessary to protect his heart. I need to watch what he is exposed to and what influences his life. I need to make sure that his heart remains pure as long as it can be. Most importantly, I need to make sure that he is given every opportunity to give his heart to Jesus and he learns to keep his eyes on the Lord. Sometimes as a mom, a feel like I'm overprotective, but I know that a heart can be more fragile than the most fragile glass I have in my china cabinet. When we moved, I wrapped my most fragile glass wear in layers of bubble wrap and newspaper. I must do the same for my kids hearts, however, those layers are all of the things that a wholesome and pure in this world. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control. If I wrap myself in those attributes and my kid's hearts in them, they will grow up to be wonderful people. I'm not saying that my kids will be perfect, but they will hopefully know the difference between right and wrong and will know how to live their lives in following God's will.

"Only give heed to yourself and keep your soul diligently, so that you do not forget the things which your eyes have seen and they do not depart from your heart all the days of your life; but make them known to your sons and your grandsons." ~Deuteronomy 4:9

Mommy Instinct

Having never given birth to my children. I have often question how true my Mommy instinct really is. I didn't know if Mommy instinct is something that develops as you carry your child in your womb, if all women are naturally born with it or if it is a gift that God gives mothers. I tend to believe the last one, but I think Mommy instinct is also a skill that needs to be developed by trial and error. I have experienced it enough to learn to trust my Mommy instinct when that little voice tells me there's something I need to take care of.

This afternoon I picked Joey up at Bangor Rec's Summer Day Program. Joey has been going to the program on and off throughout the summer. He has the best time, is with kids his own age and has made some great friends. When I pick him up, he usually doesn't want to leave. Today was different. When I arrived, he ran right over to me and gave me a huge hug. I looked at him and noticed his eye was red and runny. I asked him what had happened and apparently he was standing behind a boy staring off into space when the boy put his backpack over his shoulder hitting Joey in the eye. I talked with the counselor about it and was told that it had just happened moments before I arrived and they had Joey put a cold cloth on it. I got Joey into the car and he sat there very still just holding his eye. I picked up Danny and took them to McDonald's. The plan was that we were going to eat and then go to church. By the time we got our food, Joey couldn't even open his eye. I questioned whether or not this was real or if he was looking for some extra attention from Mommy. He kept hugging and was very cuddly to me. This in itself is not unusual, but doing this at McDonald's in front of a lot of his peers was highly bizarre. My six year old is very cool and would not want to tarnish that image in front of his friends unless he was really hurt. My Mommy instinct was shouting that I needed to get him seen by a medical professional.

At this point, I made the decision to take him to Walk In Care. Thank goodness I have wonderful friends that were able to jump in and help me with Danny because I can't imagine trying to attend to a clingy six year old and chase an overactive four year old at the same time.

We got to Walk In Care and waited for over an hour to be seen. The first nurse tried to examine Joey and found he was in extreme pain. We waited for a room and the P.A. came in and took a look at Joey who, at this point, couldn't even open his eyes. They were able to put a drop of novocaine in his eye and this helped to take the pain away. They did a vision test and then put some fluorescent dye into his eye. Lo and behold a HUGE scratch appeared across the cornea. No wonder he was in such pain. I'm so glad I listened to my Mommy instinct.

So tomorrow we will see a specialist to treat his eye. Please keep Joey in your prayers as he is in quite a bit of pain. Poor Kid!!

I think that we all have internal gifts to which we need to be sensitive. Some call these instincts, but I really think that these are gifts from God. Those times when you sense something is going to happen before it happens or you know how someone's feeling by just looking at their eyes. These are all gifts from God so we can be sensitive to one another's needs. Use your gifts and trust your feelings.

I'm so glad I listened to that voice that told me to get my baby help. I think that's what makes a true mother. I may not have given birth to either of my boys, but I know them better than any one else in this world. I know what makes each of them tick. I know when they are lying, when they are in pain, when they need an extra hug, when they need to talk about what's bothering them, when they want to share their happiness, when they want to share their sadness, when they don't understand and when they understand all too well. That's what truly makes a mother. It's the person that knows you the best and understands. It's the person that will stand behind you no matter what you do and will believe you when no one else in the world does. It's the person that will also lovingly tell you when you are wrong and will be your biggest cheerleader when you successfully reach a goal you made for yourself. But, most importantly, it is the person who listens to their Mommy instinct and gives you exactly what you need when you need it most.

The light green stripe is the scratch.

Contraptions, Sunsets and Rainbows.

Yesterday was a typical "we need a day at home to breathe" day. I woke up to a beautiful blue sky yesterday morning and really wanted to take the boys somewhere, but soon realized that I had laundry to do, camping gear to put away and a house that desperately needed some attention, so we stayed put. I stayed in my Mickey Mouse PJ's until 4:30. They boys begged me for some real clothes at around 1 p.m., and by that time I actually had some they could put on because I had done 3 out of the 5 loads of laundry at that point.

As I was attending to the house, doing laundry and paying bills, the boys tried to keep themselves amused. Most days I play with them them, but yesterday, I had a lot to do and just couldn't. After redirecting them and giving them several ideas, they finally decided that they were going to play spies again, but with a twist. They were going to barricade themselves into the living room by setting traps. That way if there were any "bad guys" that tried to break into the house, we would be safe and protected. Their barricades consisted of moving all of my small, portable furniture like chairs, small end tables and the shoe rack in front of the door way. In our vestibule, they made a fort. They had furniture blocking the door but they also had room to hide so they could attack the person trying to gain access to our home.



Of course, all of this was going on as I was trying to CLEAN the house. It made bringing laundry up and down the stairs a challenge and at one point we actually had someone come to the door and we had a little bit of an ordeal getting to them. As they finished the game, I made them put everything back and I got thinking about how I can be a lot like the boys. I but up barriers in my life for protection. I use one little piece of something I own at a time and build this contraption who's only purpose is to hinder my progress, keep other's out and generally, mess up my life. It's easy, comforting and sometimes fun to build these contraptions. It makes me feel that I have a false sense of security and control, but in reality, I really don't have any control. I need to realize that God is in control of my life. He will protect me and He will do it with more power than throwing and end table in front of the door will allow. Psalm 18:2 says "The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety." If God is protecting me, my little contraptions will serve no purpose other than to hinder my growth.

In the end, I made the boys disassemble their contraptions and put the pieces back. They really didn't want to as it was a lot of work. When they were making the contraptions, they were having fun; it didn't seem like work, but having to undo the chaos was hard. I wasn't going to help but ended up giving them some assistance. I know that there are a lot of contraptions in my life. Hopefully, God will help me take them down so I can live the life He has for me.

On another note, my cousin Kelsie came over to hang out with the boys and me last night. We went for our nightly walk and here are some of the pictures.

Brothers

I was an only child. I never had a true sibling as I was growing up. I had a lot of close friends and was babysat by a wonderful woman who is still like a mom to me. There were three children in their family and I got to witness sibling rivalry up close and personal. The family I lived with was two older brothers and a younger sister who was my age. I remember witnessing some literal knock-down, drag-out fights as I sat in a chair. The brother and sister of the family would get so angry and sometimes physical with one another. The woman who babysat for me would always resolve the arguments. Each child would end up in their rooms, separated until they could work out their disagreements in a peaceable manner.

This type of conflict always confounded me because even though they argued, this was one of the most loving families in the world. They truly adored one another and were fiercely protective of one another. I couldn't understand how siblings could get in such a disagreement one moment and be such good friends the next. Now that I have my own children, I'm starting to understand these types of disagreements. The Bible says on Proverbs 17:17 that "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Yesterday, the boys argued non-stop in the car ride home from camping until they fell asleep. I drive a mini-van and normally they each have their own seat. This minimizes the hands-on and feet on contact in the van. However, we had so much gear from the weekend that I had to put the back seat down and they had to share one very small, 2 person seat. They were both exhausted and were sad we had to leave the lake. Their frustrations with life came out at one another. I did the whole "IF YOU DO THAT ONE MORE TIME I'M STOPPING THIS VAN AND YOU'LL BE SORRY!" spiel. They pushed the envelope, I stopped the van and at that point, what consequence do you really have? I mean, they're already strapped in a seat at a sort of three hour time-out as we travel. So, we sat there until they apologized to one another and settled down drove another 40 miles or so and then repeated the process. This went on until they both fell asleep. When they did fall asleep, it was as they rested against one another. When they were awake, tired and grumpy, they didn't want to be beside one another, but as they relaxed, they truly found comfort in each other.



As people, we are a lot like that. We are on a car ride with our brothers and sisters called life. God created a great adventure for us to be on and put us in a car together. Sometimes we have a wonderful time with our siblings experiencing life. They can be our best friends, but also our rivals. Sometimes we argue and disagree. Our Father may may dole out consequences so we learn to get along with one another. At the end of the day, we need to learn from those consequences and find comfort in one another. We may not always get along, but we should go through this life realizing that we are all in this adventure together. We can either argue or take comfort in each other's presence. How do you want to spend your ride? In conflict or in peace with one another.

Personally, I can't stand conflict and right now I am in a major conflict in my personal life. I really just want the conflict to be resolved so that I can enjoy the ride in peace. Please keep me in your prayers as this conflict seeks to get worked out legally.

Last night, I went to do my nightly check in on the boys as I always do I came across both boys sleeping in Joey's bed. It melted my heart. I know that at the end of the day they truly love one another and find comfort in being together. My prayer is that they will always realize how much they love one another and want to be together. This will serve them well as they go through life. God has given them each a best friend. Two little boys that were born halfway across the country (Joey in Texas and Danny in Maryland) were brought together to be brothers. I pray that they will grow to understand what a miracle this truly is!

So, let us strive to dwell together in peace sharing this car ride we call life in unity.

Colossians 3:14 "And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity"

The Adventure Begins -- Camping

This weekend, I decided that I really need to blog about my adventures in single parenting with my two boys. I have two sons ages 4 and 6 and they are AMAZING young men.

This weekend we went camping and when I say camping, I mean "roughing it". We slept in a tent and had no electricity. Back in March or April I heard about a program through the state of Maine Department of Conservation where they would award 40 families a camping trip to one of the state parks. The only catch was that you could never have camped before or if you were an adult, you could not have camped in the last 10 years. I camped with my grandparents when I was a kid, but that was at least ___ years ago. (cough, cough) So I applied along with 1299 other families (literally) and we WON!! It was an all expenses paid trip to a state park chosen by the state of Maine for 2 nights. They supplied the camping gear, gave us a $50 gift certificate to Hannaford and even supplied a ranger that met us there and helped us set up our tent. We had so much fun.

From the minute we arrived, we felt so welcomed. Our neighbors could see that we were new campers and came right over, introduced themselves to us and helped us get set up. The taught me how to make a fire and told campfire stories to the boys.

The boys quickly met friends. Danny, age 4, turned out to be a real ladies man. At the beach yesterday, he entertained an entourage of about 7 young ladies all around 12 and 13 years old. They thought he was a hoot and came looking for him at our campsite last night. Joey also made several friends. Two young boys, Zach and Brock were his best buddies and together they were spies and played on the "mountain" which was a rocky knoll at the end of the beach.

Last night, we had a thunderstorm at 3 a.m. Having never been outside in a tent during a thunderstorm, I was a little freaked out. It was really more of a downpour with a little thunder and lightning. I was about ready wake up both boys and put them in the car until it passed, but I waited it out and they slept right through it. I, however, could not get back to sleep. So, on the way home, both boys slept and I stopped every 20 miles for coffee.

As we were saying good bye to our new friends, a stowaway jumped into our van. I had all of the doors open so I could back and a chipmunk decided he'd hitch a ride back to Bangor. I tried to shoo him out, but he dove under our gear. I had to clear the entire van out of our belongings before he would leave. I then tried to repack the van. That was an experience as it had gone together like a puzzle the first time and it didn't quite fit the same the second time.

I have to say that this was one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. We had fun as a family of three. I proved that I could chase two boys, put up a tent and cook over an open flame and most importantly, God proved to me again that He would provide for my every need. He provided this trip, friend's for the boys, some quiet time for me, people to come along side and help me and again He showed me the works of His hands in nature. I know He's in control of my crazy, soap opera, Lifetime Movie Network life and He will carry me through and will give me joy while He's guiding me through life.