Deep, Dark Places

Life is tough.   Really, really tough.  Sometimes the burdens of this life are too much too bear.  Today was one of those days.  I got told off by my husband's girlfriend/ ex-girlfriend/ advocate, whoever she is.  No one should have to go through that.  It's one thing for your husband to be unfaithful to you, take you to trial over your divorce, but to then have to be told off by his girlfriend and some of that being in front of your kids, well, that's enough to put anyone over the edge and it put me into a really dark place.   I've been fairly private about the circumstances regarding my divorce and there is sooo much more that I won't share, but considering they recently announced their relationship on Facebook, I don't feel too bad telling the world that my husband has/had a girlfriend (I think they've broken up again).   I'll spare you the rest of the gory details, however.

After getting told off by her, I went home and got the kids dinner.  I was backing out of the driveway  on my way to church, was slightly distracted and backed into my front porch.  Ouch!!  Put a nice dent in the van and moved my front porch/steps about 2 feet away from the house.  Lovely...  On top of the wonderful encounter with Judy (yes, her name is the same as mine, weird, huh?)  I went into a deep, dark place.  I cried and cried.  I couldn't hold it together.  I have been through a lot and usually don't get this upset, but it had been one heck of a day.  I went to church, put the kids in Sunday School and went over to the adult service.  I, again, couldn't hold it together.  If you saw me rush to the bathroom, it was to lock myself in a stall to cry.  I pulled it together and came out after a while and thank goodness a wonderful Christian sister noticed my emotional state and came to my rescue.  She took me out so we could talk and I could cry.  I didn't even tell her about the van or the porch.

Here is the amazing thing.  After talking and praying, I felt better, like 300% better.  God certainly comforts us when we need it.  We talked out the entire situation and I no longer feel as alone.  By the end of the church service, I felt so much better and then tonight, my boys blessed my socks off.  Joey took the Bible and read it to me.  He prayed for me because he knew I was sad and he kissed me gently on the forehead at bed time because he knew I needed it.  Danny did a dance and made me smile.  He rubbed my back when I laid down to cuddle with him and told me that he wanted to marry me.  I have the best boys in the world.

Just so you know, while I was totally blessed tonight, these are behaviors I've seen from my boys before.  I think what made tonight so special is that I was in a deep dark place with very little light.  However, when I did get a little light in through being at church and through my sweet sons, it illuminated my world.  When you're living in bright light all the time, you don't really notice when extra light is added, however, when you're in a dark place and a tiny ray of light is added, it can literally light up your world. Praise God for His light in my world through Jesus, the church and my boys.  I went from being in a deep, dark place to feeling like I am the most blessed woman on earth.  Praise God!