Color Blind

My children are black. I am white. Yes, they were adopted at birth. Yes, I love them as fiercely as if I had given birth to them myself. I often don't even think about the amount of pigment they have in their skin.  Moms of boys; do you think that your boys have more testosterone than you have? On most days, probably not; they are simply your kids. Tall dads, do you think about how much taller you are than your daughters? On most days, probably not. Why should parenting a child of a different race be so different?

I ask this because I had a conversation another adoptive mom today. We discussed how our multiracial families often get stares and sometimes even rude comments about how our children came to be with us. I actually had someone ask me once where I bought my child from. I'm sarcastic enough that I answered "Walmart, they carry everything". I knew that was sarcastic but I'm sure at the other answer I wanted to give would have been even less appropriate.

To be honest, I often don't even think about the fact that my children are a different race than myself.   I am the minority in my family. My immediate family is 2/3 black and 1/3 white. In reality, our family was created by God. He is also color blind. He loves us all the same no matter if we are black or white, male or female, tall or short, young or old. True love is blind to the things that do not matter. My prayer is that I can be a model of true love to my children. I hope they grow up to recognize that even though we may be different on the outside, we are all human beings on the inside that are loved by the same God. If He can love us with an unconditional love, who are we to think we can pass judgement on others just because they may look different than us? Praise God for his unconditional love for us.

Touched by an angel

The show touched by an angel was very popular several years ago. It was loosely based on the Bible verse:

"Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it." ~Hebrews 13:2


Every now and then, someone will enter my life for a brief moment and make an impact that will last a lifetime. This happened to me on our recent camping trip to Acadia National Park.  My aunt, my two sons and I went camping and decided to go on some adventures.  One of our first adventures was to climb Champlain Mountain.  Last year we climbed Gorham Mountain, and this isn't much of a different climb, so I knew the boys could do it.   I knew if we took frequent breaks we would eventually make it to the top.


About half way up, we stopped to take a water/snack break and on the path I spotted a family.  A mom, dad and three kids.  the two youngest kids were about Danny and Joey's ages and the oldest was probably 9 and had cerebral palsy.  The boy was in a modified jogging stroller and the father was pushing the stroller up over boulders to climb this mountain.  The mother was guiding the stroller along various fellow hikers who could see he needed help jumped in here and there. The mother and I made small talk about how beautiful the weather was and how nice of a hike this was. She then told me that the thing she loved the most was that her family was doing this together.  They ended up beating us up to the top of the mountain and I took their picture, all five of them, at the summit.


When most people are faced with adversity, we take it in stride, doing the best we can.  This family not only faced adversity in stride, but they are excelling.  They refuse to let a mountain stand in the way of a family hike.  I'm sure they live their lives pushing through trials and experiencing life to the fullest.


That's what I want to do!  I don't want to simply get through the trials, I want to use them to push me to be a better person.  Trials are a part of life.  Do I approach them by simply driving by the mountain thinking it would be too difficult to climb it or do I say to myself, "Hey, the view at the top will be worth the climb even though the climb for me is going to be more difficult than it is for the average person,"?  


Personally, I will climb and the view at the top will be that much sweeter.


So, to the family whose name I don't even know.  I suspect God sent you as angels into my life to teach me a lesson.  Thank you for showing me that while things may look really difficult, if there is a possibility, it IS possible.

Why???

Everyday I get a little bit stronger.  I am able to see that my life is what I make of it.  I'll be honest that I spent much of the last year wallowing in self-pity and asking my God the question "WHY?"

Why did mom have cancer?


Why did dad die when I needed him most?


Why did I lose both of my parents in a short period of time?


Why was my marriage destroyed?


Why am I still by myself when I want desperately to find a companion and possibly more?


Why is single parenting so challenging?


Why can't my kids both sleep all night on the same night?


Why do I feel like I have to go through this life by myself?


Why, why, why?


Do you see a common thread through all of those questions?  When I discovered what I was doing, I was floored.  I am focusing on ME and my wants, not my needs.

So I changed my thinking around a little and here is what I came up with.

Thank you Lord for my parents and for the amount of time I had with them.  You had them in my life to help make me into the person that I am today.  Even though I would have loved to have had more time, I thank you for the time I had with them and thank you for the hope of seeing them again in heaven.

Thank you Lord for the marriage that I had.  Thank you that my ex husband and I are at a place where we can communicate and get along for the sake of our kids.  Thank you that some healing has been brought to us.  I pray that you bring the person that is right for me into my life in your timing and NOT mine.  Thank you that you have kept people out of my life that were not who You meant to be that special person.  It's hard, but I trust in You to provide in Your time.

Thank you Lord for my kids.  We waited a LONG time for them to come home to us.  Please give me the patience, wisdom and grace I need to be the best mom I can be.  Thank you that they love me enough to seek me out in the middle of the night when they're hurt or scared.  Thank you that they still want me to hold their hands, pick them up, hug them, kiss them and be with them.

Thank you Lord for your son Jesus.  Who came to earth to show us that we are not alone.  Thank you for His strength that He demonstrated on the cross.  Thank you that He set the example for all of us to follow and even He asked the question "Why" when He said, "My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken me?"   If He asked "Why?" then I know that I can too, but help me to quickly remember that all that is happening to me is in Your plan if I continue to trust in you.

So now I know the answer to "Why?"  It is because He is in control and He is working all things together for His good purpose.  I simply need to trust that He knows the answer to the question "Why".

Moving on

There is a famous passage in Ecclesiastes that was turned into a song by the Byrds in the mid 1960's that talks about there being a time for everything.  I remember my mother blasting this song as she cleaned the house when I was a child.  They Bible says this:

A Time for Everything
 ¹ There is a time for everything, 
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 ² a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

At times time in my life, I find myself in a period of change -- again.  It seems that over the past 4 years, what I thought was my reality in life has been turned upside down.  Why?  This keeps coming back to me over and over again.  What is HE trying to teach me in all of these changes?  I know that sometimes, life just happens, but wow, how much change can one person face?

Deep down, I know where He is working in my life.  He is working on my biggest, number one fear and the one wall I have put up between my Creator and myself.  That is my trust in Him to provide and take care of me.  I need to have simple faith in my Creator and in NO ONE else.  

When I was a child, I remember begging my parents to have another baby.  I don't know if they couldn't have other children, but I think they both just only wanted one child.  There were some huge advantages to being an only child, but deep down, I also remember being terrified of being alone.  What would happen if my parents died? How would I deal with being by myself?

Then, that reality happened a year and a half ago...  Both of my parents were dead and not only that, but my marriage was destroyed.  And I was alone...  I was so blessed to have such amazing support from my extended family, friends and church family.  I am ashamed to say that I know now that I relied on these people more that I relied on God.  He should have been where I turned first, but I turned to the humans in my life more than I turned to Him.

Since April, God has truly been working in my life about trusting in Him alone.  He has been speaking to me about moving on in obedience and trust to Him.  I have yelled, kicked and screamed at Him.  How can I move away from the human support system that I have in place with my church family, but that's exactly what He's asking of me and He's made it abundantly clear that I need to trust Him first.

So, what this all means is that the boys and I will be attending a new church home.  I have loved my time at Calvary Chapel and cannot say enough about my church family there.  I have some incredible sisters and brothers in Christ that have gone above and beyond the call in supporting me through my trials these past two years.  Please know that God used you in such a powerful way in my life.  Your rewards in Heaven will be abundant!  Thank you!!

I have been in tears over this decision, but God has made it clear to me that it is time I step out in faith.  He has spoken to me from the Word, through His people and through circumstances to show me this, so please respect the work He is doing in my life.  At this point, I don't know why He is doing this, but I am truly trusting in Him.  I know that this is one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make.  I had no choice when my parents died and I had very little choice when my marriage ended.  This is a choice I'm making, but not lightly.

To all my Calvary family, please know how much I love you all and please stay in touch with me.  I hope that just because I no longer attend CC, it doesn't mean you all won't still be an important part of my life.  Again, my biggest fear about being alone is coming through here.  I'm trusting that the Lord will keep the people in my life that should be in my life.  So, please stay in touch and I will try to as well.

I am excited as to what the Lord has in store for me in the future.  I will continue to pray for you all.

Many Blessings!

~Judi

Making Magical Memories (Yes, I did use alliteration.)

I have wonderful memories of doing extra-special things with my parents when I was a child.  I remember the time we went to Campobello Island when I was about 8 years old.  My mom used to pack a picnic lunch when we took day trips.  We were in a hurry when we left home.  I can't remember what happened exactly, but instead of pre-making our sandwiches, my mom just grabbed a tupperware container of tuna  salad we had the day before for lunch, some bread, a cucumber and some chips.  When we arrived at the picnic area of the island, probably about a 3 hour drive from our house, she went to make lunch and opened the tupperware only to find out it was leftover peas from dinner the night before; not exactly great for making sandwiches.  My mom cried and my dad and I laughed and laughed and laughed (not at her) until she was laughing too.  I don't remember what we finally did for lunch, but it didn't matter.  That was a memory I will cherish for my life and thanks to my amazing parents, I have hundreds of similar memories.

I want my children to have similar memories.  Even though my kids are being raised in a single parent family, I want to insure that they have as many wonderful memories as possible.  Today was one of those days that I hope will stay with them forever.  It started at 4:30 a.m.  If you haven't read the post, it's sort of amusing. After we got back from Dysart's, Danny took a nap and Joey vegged on the couch.  At around  11 a.m. we left for Sand Beach in Acadia National Park.  We are so blessed to have this amazing national park in our backyard.  We arrived at Sand Beach at around noon.  My boys and I played in the sand and the ocean all afternoon.

We left the beach around 5 p.m. and drove a little way and had our dinner of PB&J on Otter Cliffs.  I forgot a knife (I am so much like my mother) so I broke a plastic cup into strips and used it as a knife.  The boys both laughed at me.   A little later, we drove a little ways up the road and the boys climbed on the rocks and boulders in the park.  They gazed into a crystal clear tidal pool and played tag and hide and    seek on the rocks.

We drove home and both boys fell asleep in the car on the way home.  Joey managed to take a few pictures of his sleeping brother from the backseat.  He soon fell asleep as well.  They got home and went right to bed.

Today was not a perfect day by any means.  Joey had a timeout and I had to speak to Danny several times, but the most important thing is that today made a memory in their sweet minds.  Maybe someday, one of my children will grow up and they will tell of the time that Grammie Judi tried to make PB&J sandwiches on the rock and had to use a strip from an old plastic cup to complete the job...

I can only hope that these memories will inspire my boys to create their own memories with their children someday.

“The heart that truly loves never forgets.”

Nature called at 4:30 a.m... Too Bad Danny was asleep

In a few weeks, I will be taking the boys camping all by myself.  8 days and 7 nights in a tent with NO electricity.  We will be about 2 hours away at Sebago Lakes State Park.   We went camping here last year and had a blast, but we were only there for 3 days.  We all wish we had more time, so this year, I put in for a whole week.  Since this is going to be a long span of time, we decided to practice last night by camping in our backyard.  There is nothing like a backyard adventures to bring a family closer.

The boys both helped me put up our new tent, which is good as I don't know if I could have done it by myself.  Danny and I ate lunch in the tent yesterday and the boys played in the tent all day yesterday.  We tried to simulate an authentic camping experience by having a fire in our firepit last night.  We were joined by our awesome neighbors Josh and Susan for roasted "smarshmallows" (as Danny calls them.)

At around 9 p.m., we went in our house, used the restroom and then went out to the tent.  We hunkered down for the night.  It was chilly!  The boys both seemed to sleep very well.  I, however, forgot how loud our little city was at night.  We live about 1/4 mile from the interstate, so I heard traffic most of the night.  I never realized that there was a train that blew it's horn about 50 times at 2:00 a.m.  I'm glad I don't live right near the tracks.  I would also love to thank the trucker that decided to use his air breaks for about 30 seconds this morning at 3 a.m.  It sounded like an air horn going off inside our tent.  Not to mention there were countless flights and helicopters going overhead all night.  Camping in our backyard is definitely not the quiet environment of nature I envisioned.

Needless to say, I did NOT sleep well at all.  The boys, however, slept really, really well.  In fact, Danny slept so well that at 4:30 he woke up soaking wet.  Poor boy.  It was cold out and he was wet and cold. I woke up Joey to tell him we were going in the house.  Joey didn't want to stay outside by himself, so he followed us in.  By the time we got Danny dried off and changed, we were all wide awake and the boys were STARVED.   So, this quick thinking (also hungry) mom said, "Let's go to Dysart's".  For those of you not from the immediate area, Dysart's is a truck stop that is open 24 hours a day. They have AMAZING food, huge portions and the best feature for two little boys is that there are trucks everywhere.  We were seated in the restaurant by 5 a.m., eating by 5:20 a.m. an on our way home by 5:45 a.m.  We are not at home and the boys are watching Looney Toons.  I had to blog about our adventure, but now I think I'm going to take a nap.  Good night, er... good morning everyone.  Oh yeah, and I made a note to myself....Pull-ups for the upcoming camping trip are a must!

Marriage advice from the single chick

I know that I'm probably a really odd person to be be giving marriage advice, but I'm gonna do it anyway.  I had a conversation tonight with someone who shall remain nameless and I really, really had my eyes opened.  You see, even though my marriage ended in divorce, I thought I had a really great marriage right up to the day we separated.  In fact, that very night in the car, we were trying to teach Danny the words to the song "The Witch Doctor" and the four of us were laughing together.  Little did I know that in less than an hour, I would find out information about my marriage that would change my life and the life of my two little boys forever.

So, take this advice with a HUGE grain of salt, but I would love to pass it along to others.  Are you ready for my ground-shaking, world changing advice?  You're not going to believe this...  Here it is...


Keep no secrets from your spouse...


Yup, that's it...  Most people might think that it should be something like "Love each other unconditionally."  Yes, I think that is of the utmost of importance as well and "Kiss each other every day."  Yes, that's up there as well, but what really separated our marriage was the issue of secrets.  Now I'm not talking about the secrets you keep at Christmas or birthdays or even the shh...  we're having a surprise party secret.  What I'm talking about is the secret that separates.  Eventually those happy secrets will bring you together.

Adultery is a secret.  When it comes to light, it will separate a couple.  If you've fallen into that, tell your spouse.  He or she will most likely be very, very mad.  They may even ask you to leave your house and tell you your marriage is over.  Until those divorce papers are final, it's not over.  Get help, get counsel and hang in there, but get out of the adulterous relationship and try to get your life back in order.  No matter how miserable you are in your marriage, persevere and work through your problems.  Divorce is worse than death in many ways.

Lack of passion or attraction to the other person, when held as a secret will tear a marriage apart. When you first identify that you know you don't feel the way you should, TALK about it or get counsel.

If you lose your job because you mouthed off to your boss, don't cover it up.  Be honest, tell your spouse.  Humbly apologize, work through the problem together.

If you are drinking, gambling, involved in pornography or even involved in drugs, tell your spouse and GET HELP!!  They are your partner and if you humble yourself and ask for help, they most likely will help you.  At least, they will respect your honesty.


Whatever your secret is, let it out.  You most likely will be found out anyway.  Secrets have a tendency to surface when you least want them to.  Be proactive and deal with your problem honestly before you have no choices left.

Love needs to be transparent.  In order to truly love and be loved, there can be no walls or barriers, so love one another in honesty and truth.